I have no desire to have children. I never really have. A lot of people tell me that I’ll change my mind, but I really don’t think I will. I’ve been married for five years and we still don’t have nor do we want any kids. This is not to say that we hate children. I love and adore my nephews as well as my honorary nieces and nephews. I just think children are scary.
I feel like I’m under tremendous pressure from society to have children. I think people think we’re weird for not having children already and even weirder when we express our desire to never reproduce. Since everyone tells me I’ll change my mind, they must be right. For this reason, I keep telling myself that I will get a child when I’m 30. I say “get” a child because I refuse to have one naturally. Not because I’m afraid of ruining my girlish figure (please), but because the thought of another human inside me and eventually making its way out of my cuckoo is terrifying.
I realize I am being blasé about getting a child at the age of 30. Of course, I would not do that if I wasn’t ready. I just feel like something’s wrong with me for not being ready.
I do get worried sometimes that if I don’t have a child, who will take care of us and who will be spend time with on Holidays and through life when everyone else is with their own families. I would never have a child just so we won’t be alone when we get old, but it is a scary thought, which I’m sure will only get scarier as I age.
All in all, this is just something that’s been bothering me lately. I know good and well that nothing’s wrong with me for not wanting children, but I hate second guessing my decision based on other people’s perceptions of what constitutes as a fulfilling and well-rounded life.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Children
Posted by Kirsten at 11:52 AM
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2 comments:
My friend Tammi never, ever wanted kids. She did not want to babysit or even hold little babies. Now she has two and is a stay at home, fabulous mother. My firend AUdrey wanted a houseful. Now she is 37 with no kids and no desire for any. She is very happy where she is at in her life. My friend Candi never wanted them, never had them and is very happy about her decision.
I say all of this to point out that, sure, you may change your mind, but maybe you want. Either decision is yours (and Jon's) alone to make, and you will do the right thing for you. To many people are thoughtlessly repopulating the earth with no thought of how difficult it is to raise a child or children. Everyday I pray that I will not do anything to screw up the lives of three individuals. No one should go headlong into that territory without a lot of thought. You will never be alone. When you and Jon get old, you can join me in the English major's retirement home, where life will be a geriatric book club.
I abhor the social pressures attached to "settling down". Personally, I've made a few nasty remarks in response to certain family members' questions about when I will be having a child. Comments such as, "If I did decide to have a child, I wouldn't let you NEAR it, so don't worry about it." and "Are you planning on sending me a check every week to pay for all its needs? No, okay, then, so it's none of your business."
I know, however, that you would never say such things, so I will leave an open invitation for you, Jonathan, and your precious cats to come over and have a playdate any time. (Once we move back to the States and I regain possession of my cats, that is.)
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